Reading this book has given me the opportunity to reflect back on my own journey and better evaluate where I have been. I can see more clearly where I get “stuck” and why it is that I am getting “stuck.” . .
But I think I am finally getting what it is that God is showing me, where he is trying to take me. A journey that I would like to share more about in the next post on stage 4 and “The Wall.”. . . Journey with me to the wall, wont you? Together let’s learn how to take it down – one “brick” at a time.
Allow me a wry smile as I reflect on those words. I had no idea of the journey that lay ahead. And I never did get that next post on stage 4 and the wall written. Until now.
I quoted the authors in that post who stated:
There may even be a time in which we sense the loss of God. God appears to have abandoned us, disappeared without a trace. . . . This is clearly the most alarming place of all the journey. While the doubts or crises are there, we frequently feel as though God is not there when we need God most. . . . It sets the stage for the inevitable, humbling, crumbling experience of rediscovering God again. . . .
Truer words have never been spoken. This is a frightening place on the journey. I went over 4 years without hearing from God. All that time feeling abandoned and alone. I use the past tense, because in the past few weeks I think I feel His quite presence re-emerging. But I came to this place of hearing through a strange paradox.
I gave up on God. I began to tell close friends that I wasn’t sure I believed in God anymore. That I was thinking of walking away from God. And every time I had these conversations, something deep inside of me felt more sure there was a God. Something foundational about belief felt strengthened. It was intuitive, a “gut” feeling of God’s presence in response to my relinquishement of faith.
I’m still trying to process this, but it is as if I faced my greatest fear — rejecting God. And He was not only unmoved by that, but responded in love. I am wondering if this is a glimpse of the key truth I need to pass through the wall.
On to the rediscover of God. . .