Archives For relationships

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Over the years, as I have pondered American history, it has struck me that the exploration and settlement of the West is illustrative of the differences between men and women (in general terms, there are undoubtedly exceptions to what I am about to write).  If it wasn’t for men, I doubt the west would have been explored.  If it wasn’t for women, it would never have been settled.  There seems to be something in the heart of a man that draws him to adventure, excitement and danger.  A thirst to conquer, to achieve, to empire build.  But once the challenge has been conquered, the achievement has been reached, the empire built, men are ready to move on.  To move on and seek more adventure, excitement and danger.  On the other hand, there seems to be something in the heart of a woman to put down roots, to create community, to build relationships.  Something that resists adventure, fears danger, and eschews excitement.  We are wildly opposed in our fundamental mindsets, yet we are inexplicably drawn to one another.  Living in tension, yet balancing each others inner impulses.  Living out the journey together.

A few days ago a Focus on the Family e-mail landed in my inbox.  I don’t always open these types of e-mails, there are just not enough hours in the day to do everything I want and read every e-mail too!  This morning while trying to jump start my day with a some fresh coffee from a Bodum French Press I opened it.  Inside I found a link to  Are We Falling Out of Love? by Glenn Lutjens.  An important part of any good story is the “hook” the writer uses to suck us into the story — and he got me with this one!

You remember the sleepless nights and the lightheadedness you experienced after seeing her big, beautiful smile light up a room. You recall when just the thought of him holding your hand caused shortness of breath and a queasy stomach.
In some countries, they call that malaria.
In our culture, we call it romance.
In fact, years ago two doctors actually presented at the Congress of Internal Medicine in Wiesbaden, Germany, the idea that lieberskimmer – love sickness – is a definite medical ailment replete with physical symptoms.

That’s great, isn’t it!  And given that I had just linked to another story on love, I had to read the rest of this one too!  A bit later Glenn writes:

Romance is only one of the types of love important in marriage. If you think of marriage as a house, four kinds of love are like the components that make the house complete.

All four loves reflect God’s design for your marriage. But in Western culture, romantic love has been exalted above the others. 

The four types of love he is referring to are as follows:

1) The foundation of the house represents unconditional love.
2) The frame of the house signifies companionship love.
3) Once the foundation and frame of the house are in place, the roof – or romantic love – has something to rest upon.
4) Finally, the furniture brought into the completed house symbolizes sexual love after the marriage has occurred.

He defines each of these more in his article and I would encourage you to read the whole thing.  It won’t take long, he is brief and too the point. After you give it a read, why don’t you give the foundation of your marriage an inspection?  How are you doing in fulfilling your part of unconditional love?